A huge day is looming on the horizon for me… as if preparing for a massive asteroid to narrowly avoid striking earth’s surface, I am doing my best to harness the anxiety associated with the big three-oh.

Why exactly do we place so much pressure on another birthday? When you’re thirty, you’re supposed to have your shit figured out, right? I mean, everyone on my Facebook feed seems to have life wrapped together in a neat little package. Marriages, babies, marathons… yes, I suppose that I’m conveniently ignoring the posts by other friends of drunken smiles, Buzzfeed quizzes, Farmville accomplishments (wait, do people still play that game?)

I know that this is completely self-inflicted anxiety. When I was a little girl, I knew that my parents had fallen in love in high school and gotten married in their early twenties, and my grandparents before them had done the same thing. So – I thought you got married around age 21. (Still single, by the way.) Don’t get me started on the offspring topic. When I decided that focusing on myself and moving to New York to pursue my artistic career was the best decision – I focused on ‘making it on Broadway’ as the true definition of success and I vowed to book a Broadway show by my thirtieth birthday. Why would I do that to myself? Is it the pressures of society, friends or family? Maybe the stream of other peoples’ lives on my computer screen? The idealistic worlds of any show featuring charismatic, beautiful and successful people living in New York City?

I hate to immediately jump to pointing out my astrological definition as a Gemini – but my major problem is the huge dichotomy of self. When I recently disembarked from a short cruise contract in which I visited five countries in nine days, I was overcome with emotion at the fact I didn’t know when I’d be traveling the world again. A huge part of my identity comes from my love of travel and exploration. And yet, diametrically opposed to that, I long for a stable life in one place with one person and one purpose. Is there a way to embrace this conflict and live comfortably?

I hate to say that I’m not successful. I am very proud of the life I have built for myself. I am self-sufficient, I have amazing friends and family, I have the cutest apartment in New York City, I make my own music and still live with a daily sense of adventure in my own city. I have visited 34 countries in the last year alone. And honestly, I tremble when I think about how many more places I ache to visit.

For me, the biggest challenge as I turn thirty is going to be allowing myself to be comfortable. No, I haven’t gotten married, had kids, set up a 401K or investments. But I have created so many fantastic experiences all over the world, have made myriad friends from near and wide… and I find that my artistic self has grown so much in the seven years I have lived in NYC. I believe that the best thirtieth birthday present I could give to myself would be freedom (though the new vacuum cleaner I just bought from Amazon is a very close second). Freedom to self-express, freedom to love myself for what I’ve accomplished – even though it’s outside the normal definitions of success.

After all, Oprah Winfrey didn’t start her show until she was 32, JK Rowling published Harry Potter when she was 32, Julia Child didn’t learn how to cook until she was in her thirties, and Lucille Ball didn’t find her fame on I Love Lucy until age 40. I think there’s still hope for me.

I often laugh when my friends tell me that turning thirty was the best thing that ever happened to them. When they say that the best years are in the thirties. God, I hope that’s true. Because the twenties have been pretty damn fun.

Here’s to thirty.

Just a quick little post from Paradise, aka Greece. I’ve been having a great time reconnecting with my cruise ship roots, back on board the Silver Wind. I’m here filling in for one voyage and have been having an absolute ball cruising the Mediterranean. Today we are outside of Olympia and I’m taking advantage of free wifi and local ouzo.

There’s not a tremendous lot to report but I am so pleased to be back at sea and singing this fun music again. The cast is so much fun and it’s been wonderful to be traveling from port to port experiencing the radiance of Greece and Turkey. In two days we’ll be arriving to my favorite port: Kotor, Montenegro. I am so looking forward to hiking up the ancient fortress walls and reliving my best memories from my voyage two years ago.

Greetings from Greece and drink ouzo every day!

Six years later, she’s still Ash in the City.

On this day in 2007, my mother and I meandered through intimidating Upper East Side traffic and managed to find street parking for our packed-to-the-gills rental Suburban. Street parking. And with the help of three best friends, we unloaded all my belongings up six flights of stairs into my first NYC apartment, 316 East 93rd Street.

Those three are still three of my closest buds. Last month Brian celebrated marriage to Nic, this week it’s off to SF for Natalie’s wedding to Nole, and this time next year we’ll be enjoying festivities for Mr. and Mrs. Nathan and Jessica Smith. So yeah, they’re all pretty much winners, and not only in my book.

A lot has happened to me in New York. I’ve seen millions of things, worked some dream jobs, worked hard doing good work in the city, explored most that the city has to offer -though there’s always more to see-, met some incredible people, attended an unmeasurable amount of great (and not so great) theater… I’ve had my heart broken many times, I’ve pushed myself outside of my comfort zone, I’ve met celebrities and been recognized on the street by people I don’t know, I’ve raised the most adorable munchkin ball of fur you could adopt from the ASPCA, and lord, how I’ve performed…. I can’t even really quite put into words all that New York City does to me. When I close my eyes and try to think of it, a sort of Jeunet-esque film drifts across my eyelids with a dramatic score.

And I do live my New York City life as if I’m starring in some film, unseen to any but me. My earbuds provide adequate soundscape as I make use of my unlimited metro card and live these daily adventures, paycheck-to-paycheck. Is there any other satisfying way of life?

Six years ago, when contemplating my future, I couldn’t imagine what was in store. And I guess I still don’t know. I write this from about 38,000 feet, somewhere over Utah. I’m thrilled to spend my New York birthday with my family in California. And this week will be a tremendous celebration of one of my best friends… Did I mention I’m singing and playing ukulele in her wedding ceremony at the film center?

And in less than two weeks, I’ll be back on board the gorgeous Silver Whisper, performing with the Artists of Silversea/Choozi Entertainment for a four month contract, porting in the Baltic, UK, Iceland/Greenland, Eastern Canada, New England/New York, Bermuda/Florida/Caribbean and then through the Panama Canal to my final port, Los Angeles. I feel so lucky to be working in this capacity on something I am truly passionate about, and traveling all over the world! And this opportunity would never had come up had I not been living in NYC and on this current timeline. New York City has truly shaped me into the woman I am today.

So New York City, we have just a few days together next week, and when I return in January, I look forward to…. The amusement of Citibike voyeurism, being asked for directions by everyone, waking up at 5am to blow-out hair and put on a full face for an audition, accepting that my train is delayed and completing another level of Duolingo Italian, crazy kids and their crazier parents at the food co-op, the pride of a gym membership (regardless of whether or not I workout), the joy of my French press in my kitchen or the perfectly tamped espresso at Pepe Giallo, getting tickets to see my friends in successful shows, the pure elation I feel when discussing art/purpose/influence with my acting peers… And the unstoppable and infectious energy of all the incredible people that have blessed me with their friendship.

Like I said, it is impossible for me to put into words what New York does to me. It’s the greatest love story I could ever dream up. So close your eyes.